Warning: Contents May Be Hot

The Problem With “Moving In Together”

Moving in together can be a big mistake.  If you’re not ready, that is.

If you’re in a serious, committed, mature relationship with someone you love, it can probably be great.  I don’t know though, I definitely can’t call it great based on personal experience.

I’ve lived with two partners before, with one of the arrangements ending catastrophically. The other one wasn’t a complete disaster, but it certainly wasn’t great either.

Moving in with your partner is a whole boat-load of pressure and unless you’re in a really secure place, things can blow up in your face, and fast.

That’s the nature of the arrangement: know matter how much time you spend with someone, and how well you know them, they definitely still have a pile of quirks and habits that you’ll only find out about when you’re physically living in the same space as them.  Things that, when you were dating before, they would reserve or keep hidden until they were home alone.

I’m a woman who needs her personal space and alone time, which is something that I sadly discovered after I had moved in with my boyfriend.  I just can’t have someone hanging around me all the time.  I need time to work, and time to think, and just some peace and quiet or I go completely insane and turn into a nightmare to be around.  And that creates tension and causes problems, and ultimately, so much frustration was pent up that we had a really messy, emotional break-up and haven’t spoken to each other since.

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So yeah, not a happy ending!

Then again, there’s a real sense of intimacy and closeness that can be had by living with your partner.  Things can potentially work out as long as you go in with certain expectations: expect to compromise, expect to do things a bit differently than you normally do, and expect to have more disagreements with your partner (particularly small squabbles) than you did before.  There will be a bunch of obstacles, but if you can overcome them together, I think your relationship with reach a new level of complexity and richness.

Just because I haven’t had a great experience, it doesn’t mean that you won’t, of course.  I think I’m just a bit of a lone wolf and have trouble handing over a chunk of my life to my partner.  It’s something I need to work on!

How about you, do you live with your significant other?  Was there a difficult learning curve when you moved in together?

7 Responses to “The Problem With “Moving In Together””

  1. Tela

    This post is so right on! Yes it does create a closeness, but at the same time it can be a bit suffocating. Where is the happy medium?? lol. Great post!!!

    Reply
  2. disconcerted72

    Well, I AM married, so I am kind of required to live with my significant other…no matter how many times, I’ve suggested his and hers homes, the threat of a serrated edge to my gonads has convinced me otherwise…

    Wait, we were discussing the closeness and intimacy we feel when living with someone we love, right?
    Well, I can say this…it’s easy to love someone when you don’t share the same television! 😛

    Reply
  3. Elphie Wellerstein

    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 8 years and we’ve been living together for about 6 of them. We were still in college when my boyfriend brought up wanting to live together. Now, I feel like he thinks he’s lost a lot of his youth and independence because we moved in together so soon… It surely is not easy and how you treat your home has a huge effect on your intimacy as well.

    Reply
    • theundiedrawer

      Yea I can totally see that. Moving in with your significant other changes the whole dynamic of a relationship, that’s for sure! If you think that it’s a big issue you should sit down and talk to him! Everyone longs to have those feelings of youth and independance, regardless of if you’re living with your partner or not! It’s a natural feeling that develops in long term relationships, but it’s something that can be worked through for sure!

      Reply
  4. girlseule

    I lived with a guy once, we had fun but he was too messy. If I ever am ever serious enough with a guy to move in again we are having big talks first about cleaning. If he doesn’t want to clean the bathroom 50% of the time then we can live separately and just stay at each others houses or something!

    Reply

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