Let’s face it, you usually mentally have sex with a person of interest before you have actual real sex with them. We can’t help it, that’s the way our minds operate. We make up scenarios to motivate our actions.
There can be a huge downside to imagining someone’s touch – they don’t measure up. Take kissing for example. You can stare at someone’s lips, their smile, and be incredibly turned on. Then you make out. And you spend half the time trying to avoid a violent tongue stabbing. Or you may feel like the person is trying to swallow your whole face, bite your lip off or they’re breathing like a retarded dragon – creepy. Whatever turns you off, imagine it’s happening.
How do you deal? It can be harsh to tell someone you’re kissing for the first time to take it down a notch. Before you pull away and say something along the lines of “Wow, what was that?” or “You’re a terrible kisser!”, take a look at the situation. Is this a random person? Are you really attracted to this person? Have you been kissing the same person for a long period of time? What exactly are you not enjoying?
Once you’ve established what is making the kissing awkward or unpleasant, you’ve got a starting point.
One little trick I like to use with an overly aggressive kisser is to switch it up. Try to take control of the situation by dictating the pace of the kissing. Kissing is interactive, you can take turns leading. Show them what you like. There is nothing wrong with slowing it down in order to find your comfort zone together. A passive kisser is usually a hint that they are trying to under compensate for the other’s vigorous technique.
If you really care about coaching each other into an amazing make out duo, you need to verbally communicate and pay attention to body language.
Peace, I’m out.